New Wine, New Skin.

Tangible Kingdom Primer_Ch.1 by matt_smay

It gets me every time.  While it speaks of the hard work of healing Fix You reminds me that this world is in flux and reconciliation is happening all around me.  This song screams of redemption both lyrically and melodically and every time I play it I want to share it with someone.  Today, I share it with you.

What do you like about it? 

What do you dislike?

Post your comments below.

All of the available resources that are out there on pornography and sexual temptation can be overwhelming.  Here are some that I would recommend…

Books

Porn Again Christian - Mark Driscoll
Price - Free (Online and Downloadable E-Book)
Note: This is a mature book for a mature audience.  Driscoll is really direct and some may find his tone too much. 

Sexual Detox - Tim Challies
Price - $7.50 (Amazon.com)

Filters
Internet filters are software that is installed on your devices (phones, tablets, laptops, or desktops) that track your browsing and report any suspicious websites to email addresses that you define.  It is a quick and easy way that allows you to keep someone else informed of your internet browsing and it is a quick way to provide accountability.  

X3 Watch is the filter that I hear about the most. It is available on both Macs and PCs.  You can download the free version here. With the rise of tablets and smartphones they have also released a mobile version that can be downloaded on your phone or tablet.  X3 Watch is my first recommendation simply because they offer products for every device that accesses the internet.

iPhone/iPad X3
Android X3

Covenant Eyes is another one that you should check out.  I would recommend both.

Ongoing Support
The road to recovery is one that involves other people.  Here are a few ways that you can find groups of men that have similar struggles.

Proven Men is an organization that produces solid content for men who are struggling with temptation.  The founder is a good friend of mine and I would recommend Proven Men’s material over any other that is on the market.  Brentwood has groups that begin throughout the year, take a look at brentwoodchurch.org for more details.

X3 Pure is an online workshop that has been recently released and offers a 30 day detox of sorts.  In my opinion, local is better in that it provides the potential for ongoing face-to-face support with others who are in similar situations. 

Post your comments and questions below.

It starts with giving your secrets away.

Two weeks ago our lead pastor (@jondupin) focused on pornography and sexual addiction.  You can listen to it online, check out Man Up Pt. 3.  

When men give into sexual temptation we are trying to escape from reality and we tend to choose what we think is the safest out, one that is easy to conceal.  Pornography is an easy choice because of its accessibility.  We keep it close to the chest and our process becomes our secret.  The first step in finding freedom is to start giving all of your secrets away.  That means we need to confess.  Here is how it works boiled down to some simple points…

1.  Self-Identify:  There is no such thing as a healthy relationship to pornography.  Many of the men that I talk to tend to think that as long as they are not looking at porn on a daily, weekly or monthly basis then everything is fine.  Not true.  Pornography creates unrealistic expectations about what sex is and how it functions in the real world and will be an obstacle in a healthy functioning sexual relationship.  If you are looking at porn even on a yearly basis then you have a problem and you need to address it.

2.  Tell someone else:  As much as we would like to believe that we are strong enough to move forward without bringing someone else into our mess…it simply isn’t true.  Moving forward as a Christ Follower means living in community with other people which means that we must be honest and admit where we are.  If you are married, tell your wife.  If not, find someone of the same sex that you can confide in without the fear of backlash. If you don’t have someone, contact me and I will be glad to help in any way that I can.

If you worry about leaning on someone else and don’t want to “burden them,” stop.  There will be a day when you can return the favor for someone else who will be where you are now. God created us to live and breathe with one another, start today by reaching out and don’t stop reaching out.  When you fail, tell someone else.

3.  Seek and Accept Forgiveness:  When we fail, offense happens on three different planes. We offend self, others and God.  Forgiveness also needs to happen in each of those three planes. The hardest and most difficult plane to seek and accept forgiveness is self.  When we confess to other people, our confession generates a response and that response creates a feeling of completion for us.  Whether we like the response or not we feel as though a step has occurred and that forgiveness is taking place or will take place.  When we confess to God, we find forgiveness and relief in what we have learned…that he is ready and waiting to issue forgiveness when we own up to our sin.

Forgiving ourselves is a whole different dimension because it requires us to “get over” our own failure.  When we fail, we feel the need to face consequences.  If the consequences that we face naturally by confessing to others don’t fit those consequences that we believe that our failure deserves, then we keep our failures so that we can create our own consequence.  Call it guilt.

Why do we have long term guilt?  Because we believe that we should be punished for how we have wronged someone else and the response that we got just doesn’t do our wrong the justice that it deserves. 

Good news…God wants to redeem that part of you too.  The first step is asking him for help in forgiving yourself.

How to seek forgiveness on all three planes

A.  Confess out loud.
- When you confess out loud you are forced to hear your own voice admit your own sin and it can be a real wake up call.

B.  Use the words “forgive me.”
- When we use the word “sorry” we don’t always realize what we are asking for. Forgiveness is more specific and reminds us to let go and move forward. 

C.  Talk to God. 
-  Seeking forgiveness is a spiritual discipline and should be pursued through prayer.  When you need forgiveness confess to God first then work on the others and self. 

Feel free to ask questions or make comments below with or without name.

What stuck out most this week…

Jesus Creed (@scotmcknight)
Clark Pinnock’s Thoughts on Hell

IamPaulAtkinson.com (@scottwilliams via @paulwhotweets)
The Difference Between Managers and Leaders

The Content Cocktail (@c_pappas)
Is Blogging Going the Way of the Buffalo?

Freedom 4/24 (@freedom_424)
Run for their lives Promo

New Wine, Old Skin (@bdlambert)
A Few Faces of Volunteerism @brentwoodchurch